


Duck Down To Reality

by sherlockpond



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Flashback, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of Transitioning, Trans Duck Newton, young duck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 18:47:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17452409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockpond/pseuds/sherlockpond
Summary: Duck is having a hard time processing Minerva leaving, and being stripped of his powers. Indrid and Aubrey to the rescue!





	Duck Down To Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> I know nothing, first hand, of transitioning, only what I've read.  
> A lot of the formatting has been deleted, so please excuse lack of italics, bold word etc. I'll fix it when I've got my laptop in front of me.
> 
> Please enjoy!

When Duck gets home, he slides down onto the floor feeling completely drained and utterly useless.

Nothing.  
  
He has nothing anymore.

Leo was like him, once, and he was just dropped back into his old life and told to carry on after his powers were ripped from him. Now Duck has to do the same.

All he has is a helmet with slight ethereal improvements, and Beacon who - at this point - is as damaged at he is.

The skateboard he dug out of the closet lays at his feet and he uses all his strength to kick it across the room. It hits the back of the sofa and quickly comes to a stop.

“FUCK,” he shouts in pure anger, one of his fists pounds onto the carpet and he screws his eyes up and his head thuds against the wall behind him, shooting pain across his temple “fucking fuck,”

His eyes burn, and hot tears are beginning to form, he'd promised to not get emotional about this, he never wanted this responsibility to begin with, so why does he care now?

Duck makes his train of thought pause for a second.

Because he was helping people. He had meaning in his life after all these years of waiting to find his real purpose.

Tears track down Duck’s face, and he wipes them away in frustration, he thought he was done feeling as if his life wasn't his own, as if was out of his control.

“Duck?”

_“Dakota?”_

_Duck looks up, eyes puffy and raw. His back against the far wall of his bedroom and his knees against his chest. He can't believe this, why aren't they listening to him?_

_Duck’s mother stands in the doorway of his room, she looks sad, almost sympathetic. Long, dark strands of hair fan on her shoulders and Duck notes that her hair seems to always look neither tidy nor untidy._

_“Mom, I don't want to talk right now,” he says, bowing his head back until his forehead rests on his knees._

_“I know, but I wanted to explain why we've decided - -,”_

_“- - you've decided - -,” Duck mutters_

_“ - - to wait a little longer for you to start...becoming this other person,” she says quietly, making her way nearer but keeping a safe distance._

_Duck looks back up “I'm more sure about this than anything else. I can't explain it to you, but you have to believe me when I say, I just know,” he sobs, and he hates that his voice isn't his own._

_“Dakota - - -,” his mother begins_

_“Duck,” Duck insists_

_Duck’s mother grimaces sadly and kneels in front of her daughter. Her daughter who thinks she wants to be her son._

_“Can I - -? Can I try to explain this all from my point of view?” she pleads quietly_

_Duck nods slowly, but doesn't make eye contact._

_“When you were born, you were so perfect. I held you in my arms and couldn't believe I’d created you. You were, and still are, one of the most important people in my life. You taught me so much. I felt I was an awful mother, I grew up quickly, taking care of you made me mature more than my friends who were out partying, and my life was put on hold to take care of you -,”_

_“I'm sorry?” Duck interjects, sharp as knives._

_“No! No. That's not what I mean. I mean, I want what's best for you. And I think 17 is still too young to choose this. I understand you don't feel right, but you have to be completely sure about this, and I would never forgive myself if I let you go through with this and then, in 10 or 20 years you hated me for it. I would rather you hate me for slowing you down, that rushing this process. I'll be honest, I don't know why you have to change your name, you suit Dakota so much. You can cut your hair, and you can have these hormone injections, but Dakota, I can't let you do something so irreversible. I won't allow it whilst you're so young. Because, if in a year, you change your mind, that's on me.”_

_She reaches out to tuck a stray lock behind Duck’s ear._

_“You mean so much to me, I think you need to be completely sure before you go ahead with this,”_

_Duck sniffs and meets his mother's gaze. He wants to tell his Mom that it's not just that he doesn't fit his skin. It's also that he's chosen apparently, and maybe he's going crazy but he hates how his body is soft and has curves, and he hates how his figure means he can't hide the two mounds of flesh on his chest, and some days he wants to just rip them off because they feel so foreign and wrong. He hates how nothing feels right, how Minerva might just be a figment of his imagination, and what if Minerva is just repressed emotions being channeled into a mirage because of this constant repression of not being allowed to be the person he really is. If he transitions it means he can just be normal._

_“Mom, you don't understand. I'm not your daughter. I never was. I'm your son and I'm never going to be happy until I'm not a girl anymore. I don't want it. I don't want to have to keep hiding who I am because the neighbors might talk. How is it, that Dad can see that I'm not happy, but you can't tell that inside, I'm hurting. The longer I stay like this, the longer I hurt!”_

_Duck’s Mom wipes her face with her hand “I'm not signing those papers, Dako--,”_

_“DUCK!” he shouts, pushing himself up, grabbing his messenger bag and coat off his bed, rushing down the stairs and out the front door. He hears his mother hurry after him, but stops at the front door, nervously checking that the coast is clear for any nosy neighbours._

_“Dakota! Please!” she cries after him._

_Duck wordlessly walks down the drive and heads to Juno’s house._

_Fuck this he thinks, bringing a rolled joint to his lips and lighting the end, taking a long, deep breath._

“Duck?”

Duck looks up and his gaze meets Aubrey’s, closely followed by Indrid.

“Hey guys. What’s going on? Everything alright?” Duck asks, but his heart’s not in it.

Aubrey leans down to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder “You've had a pretty shitty day so I tracked down Indrid and thought we could try and make you feel better. That okay?”

Duck’s lips lift slightly “Well that's awful sweet of you both, but I'm alright,”

Aubrey looks unconvinced “I’m going to make tea, I'll leave you two alone for a sec,”

She walks off and Indrid stalks over to the couch, grabs a fleece blanket, moves back, and drapes it over Duck’s shoulders.

“Mind if I get in on that carpet party down there?” he says jokingly.

Another smile tugs at Duck’s lips as Indrid joins him, plopping himself down and slinging a thin, long arm around Duck’s shoulders.

“Everything is going to be fine,” Indrid says, leaning over to place a quick kiss to Duck’s temple “Trust me. I should know.”

They sit for a second, and Indrid can feel Duck shaking a little.

“I’d just got used to being that version of myself, and now? Now I've got to go back to being normal?” Duck says disbelieving.

Indrid shakes his head “Duck Newton, there is approximately nothing about you that is normal. You don't need anything from Sylvain, or mysterious powers, or to being ‘chosen’. Those were just extras, you don't need them. You're still you.”

Duck turns to look at Indrid, eyes wide and sparkling with fresh tears.

There was a cough from above.

“Tea?” Aubrey offers, looking awkward.

Indrid smiles and raises to his knees to accept two mugs, slowly settling back down and handing one to Duck.

“I’m going to give you guys some space, but you need anything, like anything at all. I'm going to see Dani at the Lodge, so just swing by if you need me.”

Duck nods and Indrid smiles up at her “Thanks Aubrey,”

She gives him a reassuring smile and lets herself out of the flat. Silence settles between the two of them, and then Duck takes a deep breath.

“Dakota,”

Indrid looks confused, which is rare.

“Hmm?” he asks

Duck looks down at the carpet “That was my name. When I was a kid. The last time I felt like this.”

Indrid nods.

“My parents, well, my Mom, wouldn't let me go all the way in case I thought it was a mistake in the future. I guess I can see her point. But I was dying inside because I knew in my soul that the person I'd be born as, wasn't the person who I was supposed to be,” Duck explains, he fiddles with the carpet, feeling ashamed “I had to live for 4 more years in a body that I despised, and then had to adapt to that when I finally became me, and all that time I knew I was different. People don't just dye their hair because they woke up when they were a kid and found it had gone fuckin’ blue. I knew that I would always have that hanging over me. And then, I met Ned, Aubrey, Minerva came back, Amnesty Lodge, and then you,” he pauses “I thought I'd found my feet, after years of confusion and loneliness. And now it's gone. And I'm just...boring. I can't offer you guys anything. And I'm back at fuckin’ square one again,”

Indrid takes a second to digest the information.

“I know it's scary, Duck. But you have to believe me when I say you are not useless. Quite the opposite. Powers or no powers, you've still got all of us, and I know sometimes, when you feel that you've got everything and then, it's ripped out of your grip, that can be really tough.”

Duck’s shoulders drop a little and he rests his head on Indrid’s shoulder.

“I ‘preciate you trying to help, Indrid. I've just been knocked for like six, no, like twelve. I need to spend some time just figuring out what I'm doing. I have no idea where to go from here,”

Indrid nods and reaches down to gently take ahold of Duck’s hand, they share a smile.

“Thank you, Indrid,” Duck says quietly, and Indrid raises their joined hands to press a kiss to the back of Duck’s hand.

“Anytime,” Indrid says “you'll always be the chosen on to me,”

Fin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
